I recently finished Nurture the Wow, by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, and I thought I’d give you a proper review.

I really enjoyed this book, as I have enjoyed following Rabbi Danya on Twitter. If you haven’t yet read her thread on the Jewish requirements for repentence, I strongly suggest reading this piece of hers from last years’ high holidays.

According to Jewish law, though, the most critical factor is repentance, tshuvah — the work that a person who has done harm must undertake. There are specific steps: The bad actor must own the harm perpetrated, ideally publicly. Then they must do the hard internal work to become the kind of person who does not harm in this way — which is a massive undertaking, demanding tremendous introspection and confrontation of unpleasant aspects of the self. Then they must make restitution for harm done, in whatever way that might be possible. Then — and only then — they must apologize sincerely to the victim. Lastly, the next time they are confronted with the opportunity to commit a similar misdeed, they must make a different, better choice.

This framework for repentance has really come in handy this past year in my personal life, and helping me to set boundaries and accept where other people are along that framework. It’s given me language to more fully describe the reality at hand, and that I feel lis Rabbi Danya’s gift: she is able to put in to fully formed thought what I’m merely feeling and groping to put together.

This book, one of several she’s written, is the same. In 10 slim chapters, she does the heavy lifting in both a quick comparative reading of major religious practices (outside of Judaism, too) on a topic related to parenthood, scriptual sourcing, and commentary from rabbis and scholars alike. All the while integrating their ideas with her lived reality and the lived experience of other parents today. The result is a timeless work that lends real depth on the most mundane and disgusting tasks, and real perspective to the most terrifying and awe inspiring moments of parenthood.

In other words, if you have kids or are thinking of having them, I think you should read this book and keep it where you can refer to it often.

My favorite chapters were the ones grappling with the power and powerlessness of parenthood, and the way that becoming a parent rearranges your sense of self. All of the chapters were strong, though, like just about every book about parenting, there’s the need to preface or buttress directions to the reader with something along the lines of “Lord knows I’m not perfect at that,” or “There are plenty of days I struggle,” which can feel mildly insulting - if you’re in the mood to be insulted.

In any case, the book helped me form more cogent thoughts at the undercurrents of parenthood, and ground them in what are for me, helpful and explicitly spiritual and religious terms. Four and a half stars/5.