Wife is in an immersive grad school program, I’m starting, and we have a toddler. We each try to cook most of our meals and exercise, and maybe, sometimes, have time for true play. It is tough. So when I saw Bridgid Schulte’s Overwhelmed popping up on my friends Goodreads’ shelves, I was intrigued. I’m glad I read it, even if the book is a tad thin on actionable advice for your life.

Before I go any further, you can check out this excellent (and author approved) executive summary.

The “big” ideas hammered home by this book are that the “ideal” mother/worker/provider are toxic to all entities involved, and a lot of reminders of the systemic forces at work (governmental, socio-cultural, economic) that constrain our ability to choose healthier options in work, child care, and leisure.

This book is an enjoyable and deft read too; the more I read the more I appreciate something like “literary excellence.” Schulte’s training at the Washington Post shines through, making light work of byzantine policies and theory.

Still, the book has it’s valleys: I thought the chapter on new dads was thin on content or on depth, and the final part, on changing attitudes and not policies, was disappointing in how specific it was to the author’s experience. I’m glad she’s getting a little closer to time serenity; but I’m not sure how generalizable those experiences are. It’s almost as if she’s forgotten (or conveniently neglected) the blind spots in her experience she’s detailed earlier in the book.

Two chapters in particular really resonated with me; one was “A Tale of Two Pats,” about Pat Buchanan (boo! hiss!) and Pat Schroder (the woman who turned the Pentagon into one of the most family friendly places to work - no, really). The other was “Hygge in Denmark.” Not withstanding all of the things that make the Danes a unique case, there was so much that was envious about how their society is structured compared to ours. One can only hope that in a more sane era of our politics, we can begin to reshape how this country legislates work and family away from mythological ideals and toward things that actually allow us to have and enjoy family.

I enjoyed this book; the writing was outstanding and the good chapters were great. If you’re trying to understand why it feels like no matter what you do isn’t enough, this might be a good place to start.