I’ve found myself in a mood that I really know well, and I don’t enjoy. I haven’t wanted to write, or I’ve wanted to write pieces that I can’t really do, at least not well enough to put my name to. That’s exactly the scenario I wanted to avoid with this particular site, so this post is part brain storm and part request - for the five of you who read what I post here, first, let me know who you are and second, tell me what you’d enjoy hearing me write on.

I’ve definitely fallen into a bit of a rut; a recipe, a book, how exercise is going, rinse repeat. Which is fine, I guess, and they are things that interest me a lot, but what I’m not doing is writing the thing or things that really say what I’m trying to say. Then again, if it were easy, everyone would do that.

I think I want to write about what its like to be a Jewish adult on an Episcopalian Seminary campus; or why and how I’m trying my damndest to raise my son; I definitely want to write more and deeply about the books I read, movies I see, and music I hear; about friendship and vulnerability and how every day I’m learning to shed vestiges of toxic masculinity; about the struggles I’m having getting and staying focused. But these things are scary and difficult and often at the end of the day I want to just lie down.

If there’s something you want to read, no matter how small, let me know, ok?

A couple of observations and minor things:

  • “They want our rhythm but not our blues” - the context I heard this in was a black woman talking about cultural appropriation. It stuck with me because, intuitively we all understand that everything has a cost. Including great art. But it’s not often that we recognize and draw a straight line between the two, because it’s difficult to make sense of that (one) and difficult to look at (two). I’m digging and finding all kinds of these transactions in my personal ledger, and its both tough to trace and tough to embrace. But I’m looking, and I’m better for it. Something is going on when I glimpse understanding of how X influenced Y today in me. Thankfully, something is allowing me to just accept those things when they come to light.
  • I totally forgot to mention that I had the delightful chance to go see one of my favorite people recently. Dr. Marvin Overby, professor of political science at the University of Missouri, is here in DC for a year of research at the Library of Congress. Not only did I get to go and have lunch with him and another former student of his, but I got to see him present some of his findings on turnover in the U.S. Senate. First, he’s still one of the very best academic lecturers I’ve encountered - he clears the bars of a coherent presentation and a compelling narrative quite easily. Second, his enthusiasm and recollection of people and meaning is quite endearing, and you can just tell when he loves a question and the person asking it. Not to be left unsaid was the great lunch we had at a tiny, newish Banh Mi joint that I will definitely return to. And, finally, for as much time as I’ve spent in Washington, I’d never been in the physical Capitol building nor in the Library. They truly are awe inspiring if you let them. I got to see the Nicolay copy of the Gettysburg Address, one of two copies the library has in Lincoln’s handwriting (it was the anniversary of the speech that day). It was a nice day out too, and while I was walking past the Supreme Court, a kind old man thought I was an MSNBC personality. I politely corrected him but it was still flattering.
  • NPR published a story today about Millenials and their spending habits. Turns out, we aren’t that different than our parents in terms of where we spend, we just don’t have as much to spend in the first place. I’m not done processing all of the emotions this brings up, but, suffice it to say: YES. This is exactly how I feel. I know this well. And it is not as if we won’t go on or that we will live some impoverished life, but the nagging sensation that you won’t have that sense of security in the same way really eats at a new father. I wish I had a more thorough response at the ready but that’s where I’m at.
  • I guess thats as good a segue as any to: I’m in a Cost Accounting class, one of my last prereqs before applying to MAcc programs, and I think I’ve figured out why I don’t like Cost the same I like Financial Reporting or Tax, for instance. In those other classes, the tool of accounting is turned to society - faithful reporting helps markets work better and is about rigorous honesty; Tax is both the exercise of maximizing wealth and fulfilling obligations and the tension between the two is interesting. Cost is straight up about its intentions: it is to make you a better capitalist. And when I say that, I mean the people that peasants pull pitchforks out for. You can argue that accurate costing is essential to keeping a business (and the people it employs) working, but you know, that’s not really the way these techniques are framed. They are more and more sophisticated ways to turn people in to inputs, no different than commodities, and something deep inside me really chafes at that.
  • Probably because everytime a specific group of people is reduced to a commodity, attempts to enslave or exterminate them seem to spike.
  • its with horror and revulsion that the tear gassing of women and children at the San Diego border crossing, the shooting of Emantic Bradford Jr, and the raff of anti-semitic acts committed in recent days do not shock me any more. They are what I’ve come to expect as the logical and foregone result of our cultural system. They ARE us, and we have refused to meaningfully deal with it.

And on that bright and cheery note, I think that’s enough for today.